I must say that I have been very fortunate with the parents of the players I worked with during my many years of coaching soccer in New Jersey. I believe some of the reasons are my professionalism (regardless of the level and age of the team I trained/coached I always took it equally serious), my willingness to talk and explain (always at the appropriate time and place), and that I really cared for the growth of their child.

Now as the NJ Dynamo Director of Coaching I have the responsibility to ensure that our coaches follow this same path, respect for the players and open communication and feedback with the parents. 

A recurrent topic of conversation amongst coaches, and many articles and books are written about it, is the influence that the parents have (or can have) on their child's sports experience. 

"What's all that noise from the sidelines?"

Parents of young athletes, well intentioned, much of the time employ methods of over-questioning, critical comments and unrealistic demands toward their children.  This is all done in an effort to come across as a caring, tough-love soccer parent. 

Let’s take a look at some situations that Im sure we've all heard of, and probably witnessed happening before, during and after a game…

“Questionnaire and expert reminders on wheels”

The car door closes, your soccer player child is seat-belted in, you start the engine, the car begins to move and you start the interrogation:

            “What position is the coach going to play you in today?”

            “Are you going to start?”

            “Take some shots yourself today; you don’t have to pass to (insert name) all the time.”

            “Be more aggressive and win your tackles.”

“Match Mouthing”

You’ve arrived at the field.  Your child is gathering his/her stuff.  You lock the doors of the car.  You still have a few minutes to walk with your child to the field and give a few more last pieces of advice:

            “Don’t let the other team push you!”

            “Don’t be lazy this game!”

            “Keep your head in the Game.”

            “Ask the coach to put you at forward if your team can't score.”

You sit on your chair, the match begins, and your child is not starting.  Your body tenses, your teeth begin to grind and negative self-talk (talking to oneself) begins:

            “What is this guy doing?!”

            “I bet he won’t let him/her play forward.”

            “I should have put him/her on another team.”

Your child finally gets into the game.  He/She is playing left defender.  More negative semi-self-talk (becoming audible):

            “OMG”

            “This is a joke!”

            “He definitely doesn’t think my kid is good!”

            “Left defender? He/She can’t even kick a ball with his/her left foot!”

As the game progresses, an opposing player, on your child's side of the field, receives the ball and dribbles straight at him/her.  Your negative comments begin so that your child can hear them:

            “Pressure…be aggressive…step up!”

            “Come on…get the ball…tackle!”

When the opponent dribbles by your child, he/she trips and falls.  The opponent proceeds to cross the ball and a goal is scored against your child's team.  You are beside yourself with rage!  You just can’t stand it!  You throw your arms down vigorously, you begin to pace the touchline for a few steps and your negative comments become extremely vocal…you are willing to share them with anyone who will listen!           

            “Get up…what are you doing?!” (to child)

            “I knew it…this coach is absolutely clueless!”

            “Hey ref…that was a foul…call something for a change!”

            “He should have never put him/her in the back.”

            “This is ridiculous!”

The game ends and your child's team loses 1-0.  The coach is debriefing the team, doing a cool down, but you decide that you must talk to the coach RIGHT NOW…IMMEDIATELY!  It cannot wait! 

You walk over to where the team is sitting, interrupt the coach in an angry tone, and inform him that you want to talk to him.  Your child is embarrassed.  The coach suggests that you step away and wait until he is done with the team, and then he will speak with you privately.  You storm off and say, “Forget it!”  Your anger has reached a pinnacle:

            “I can’t believe this guy!”

            “He has no respect for the parents!”

            “I’m taking my child off this team!”

Anyone within earshot has heard your comments, including the players, specially your child. 

“Interrogation on Wheels... Again”

You get into your car and yell to your child to hurry up and get in.  Once out of the parking lot, it begins…

            “Didn’t you ask him to put you forward?”

            “He has no clue anyway!”

“What have I told you about diving in on the tackle…you have to stay balanced and be aggressive!”

“Im gonna call my friend, we are going to their team, their coach said you would start and play forward!” 

You get home, your child gets out of the car in tears, goes up to his/her room…and starts thinking of quitting soccer!

Watch this clip, and as you are laughing write down the names of the soccer moms (and dads) she reminds you of.... hopefully NOT YOU :)

So.....What can a parent do?

Pre-game

Make a few positive, support comments to your child…”I can’t wait to see your game today. Play your hardest and help your team” 

Ensure your child gets the proper nutrition they need prior to the competition.

Food for thought:
Prior to a game, sports psychologist usually talk of how important is for the athlete to get mentally ready for competition through “positive self-talk”.  The ride to the game is a good time for this. 
Some athletes like to listen to music during this time.  Some athletes want to talk a bit…let your child start the discussion or ask the question if they desire.  It is very difficult for your child to mentally prepare for the competition when you are hording all of the time with questions and advice.

During the Game

 Sit down and enjoy, cheer from time to time.  

Please DO NOT try to coach your child or the other players.  The players must focus their attention on the game and, at times, their coach and the referee.  There is a lot to think about in the game of soccer.  Let them focus.
Soccer is a "player's game", good coaches don't yell instructions constantly, so the fact that the coach is quiet means he/she is analyzing the game in order to make the proper adjustments. 

Post-Game 

Good parents and coaches know that immediately after the game is the time for mental, emotional and physical regeneration. This is not an appropriate time for long lectures, and technical/tactical advice.

Please don’t analyze the game, your child’s and their teammates performance, and/or offer coaching advice to the players. The coach will do this at the next training session.

A simple positive word about their efforts in the game is very helpful, and will mean a lot to your child.

If you have a comment or concern, and want to discuss it with the coach, follow the 24 hr rule.
Usually these types of reactions are gone after the heat of the moment. If you still would like to talk to your coach, reach out in order to find an appropriate time. Coaches are always willing to talk to parents, as long as parents respect their time. 

FINAL THOUGHT

             Enjoy watching your children play…it will be over sooner than you think, and will make the experience much less stressful on you and, certainly, on them.